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Single mom in National Guard struggling for custody of daughter

FRANKFORT, Ky. -- Despite all of her external ruggedness, Lt. Eva Crouch starts to cry just thinking about losing custody of her daughter.

A member of the Kentucky National Guard, Crouch's family life changed dramatically when she was deployed in 2003. Now, more than a year after her return, Crouch has finally won the latest round in a court battle and custody of her daughter.

"She's my life, OK. And I come back, and I don't even know what to do with myself without her," Crouch, now a member of the Kentucky Guard's HHC 201st Engineer Battalion, says with tears streaming down her cheek. "It's really hard. It's hard on both of us."

The latest ruling came only Friday, when the Kentucky Court of Appeals said Crouch should retain custody, overturning a lower court ruling. The legal saga may continue and has only served to offer more stress to a mother trying to juggle duty to her country and her child.

Eva Crouch and her ex-husband Charles Crouch agreed when she was called to active duty in 2003 that their daughter, Sara Nicole, would live with him in Ashland, about 150 miles northeast of Lawrenceburg, where Eva Crouch lives.

The 34-year-old single mother never made it to Iraq. Her unit wasn't deployed and she stayed at the human resources detachment at Fort Knox. That allowed Eva Crouch to visit her daughter, now 11, on weekends. Nearly a year later, though, the girl is still living with her dad in Ashland.

Charles Crouch initially declined to be interviewed for this story, and did not return a subsequent call seeking comment after Friday's ruling.

There are currently about 360 single parents in the Kentucky National Guard. However, there are no laws specifically protecting them from losing custody because of a deployment.

Eva Crouch says her case is illustrative of a need for better safeguards to protect single-parent soldiers in custody disputes. Crouch estimated her legal fees cost about $10,000, and she lost a year with her daughter.

"There are a lot of single custodial parents in the National Guard, and the military requires us to have a family care plan in place," Crouch said. "And we go into this thinking that that is going to protect us, and that's just not true."

Crouch, who was in tears at the prospect of leaving her daughter behind, says some single military parents feel they could be punished by the courts simply for serving their country. They're faced, she says, with choosing their children or their country. And that's a choice soldiers facing the dangerous prospects of war shouldn't have to make, Crouch says.

"I don't want to end up getting deployed with my unit and having my soldiers' heads somewhere else _ worrying about whether or not they're going to lose their kids when they get home," Crouch said. "It's crazy. It's not something that a soldier needs to be worrying about when they're deployed."

But it's a tough choice at least one of her comrades has already made.

Spc. Tammy Grubb, a 24-year-old from Ashland, was a refueler in the 201st Engineer Battalion. But she's now leaving the military.

Grubb's husband is also in the National Guard. However, Grubb was worried about losing her oldest son from a previous relationship. It was a careful choice, Grubb said, but she decided to use an opportunity to leave the military that arose from her recent pregnancy.

Grubb gave birth to a daughter in August, and is now on inactive status, she said.

"I was afraid we would have to go through long, drawn out battles and I would end up losing custody because I'm in the military," Grubb said.

Joyce Raezer, director of governmental affairs for the National Military Family Association in Alexandria, Va., said similar custody cases have come "in spurts" since the Iraq war began. However, they seem to have leveled off as the military has improved counseling for soldiers in crafting their family care plans, Raezer said.

Still, there is no single solution for those who find themselves stuck in similar situations, Raezer said.

"This is a real hard one for the federal government to legislate because custody issues are state court issues," she said.

Judges in custody disputes will do what they feel is best for the stability of the child _ especially in cases like Crouch's, said Louise Graham, a University of Kentucky law professor.

Similar cases have cropped up across the country in which soldiers' custody rights have been challenged after their deployment, Graham said. But each instance seems to be resolved on a case-by-case basis, she says. Usually, judges tend to side with what's most stable for the children involved, Graham said.

That seems to be what initially occurred in Crouch's case, Graham said.

"Everyone recognizes the sacrifices those Guard members are making," Graham said.

Still, military officials need to take a "harder look" at the situation, said Jackie Town, director of case advocacy for Kentucky Youth Advocates, a child-advocate organization.

Soldiers don't expect their deployments to jeopardize the custody of their children, Town said.

"Our courts _ when they're looking at these situations _ ought to be careful that a parent isn't being punished for serving their country and being away from their child under no fault of their own," Town said. "On the other hand, children need stable, permanent homes."

Maj. Dylan Seitz, a staff judge advocate for the Kentucky National Guard, said soldiers have some legal protections in the court system in terms of civil suits. For instance, the statute of limitations may not run out on a soldier who is deployed but may have a cause of action in a civil lawsuit. But there aren't any protections when it comes to child custody questions, he said.

Members of the Guard who get deployed can't lose their civilian jobs, but the same cannot be said for losing custody of their children, Seitz said.

"It appears that she was getting a raw deal from the whole thing as a result of her being deployed," Seitz said. "She was answering a call of duty."